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I'm Sorry

Dear everyone,

I'm sorry for not keeping up with this blog enough. I know that it has helped people and I know I should be more consistent. Life has just been rocky, chaotic, and busy for me.

I am also sorry that I sounded so preachy in the "My Testimony" post. I still believe in God, but that doesn't mean my recovery has been perfect or that relapse isn't possible. At the time I wrote the "My Testimony" blog post I was in a place where I was so good at recovery that I thought I was invincible. However, this is not the case. I am far from perfect and far from invincible. I am sorry if any of you felt like I was shoving my beliefs down your throat; that was not the intention at all.

Updates from me soon. Stay strong.

Peace, Love, and Food,
Rachel May
Hey all,

So, a couple days ago, I finally made a conscious choice to recover, which was a big step for this particular relapse. It took a lot out of me.

Now that I've been trying to eat more, I feel a lot of ambivalence towards food. Sometimes I feel like my old self again and sometimes I feel trapped inside my eating disorder. There are all these convoluted voices in my head, distorting the truth and I don't know where to turn. Except to God.

I guess the best I can do is to keep trying to eat well, look to the Bible for the answers, and try to figure out where things went wrong and how things got so bad so quickly. 

I'll keep you guys posted. Remember, guys, there is hope. If I can choose recovery, so can you! <3

Who's up for a nice breakfast? :p

Peace, love, and food,
Rachel May
Hey, all,

I'm sorry my last few posts on here haven't been as informative as they usually are; I'm just going through a lot at this point in my life. It probably won't be like that for awhile. I'm sorry. Here are my thoughts for tonight: 

CAUTION: MAY TRIGGER DEPRESSIONCollapse )


Until next time,

Peace, love, and food,
Rachel May
Hey, all,

Have you ever had this feeling?

Picture this. So, you immerse yourself in the water at a beach; the saltwater blankets your skin and the temperature comforts you like no other. Then suddenly, it's the end of the day and you have to go home. So, you step out of the water and what happens? The temperature changes. Your bare skin either tingles with chills or scalds beneath the hot sun, deepening on the temperature of the land. And then all you can think about is going back into the water again. A place where you've made your home. A place where you feel safe. But the beach is closed, it's getting dark out, and you have no other choice. That's how I feel right now.

So,much of my life has changed and is changing constantly. I have to think 12 steps ahead of the game, all in a row, perfectly sequenced to fit this mold of perfection I have created from disillusions of others' expectations. I build my own trap and I fall for it. Sometime, it seems every time. People see me day to day and notice nothing. I am nothing. I like being nothing. But so much is going inside my brain.

My brain races faster than any triathlon runner I'll ever know, millions of ideas, spinning, forming into shapes, molding and remolding themselves day after day. I worry all day about everybody. I worry about who to be, where to go, and what to do. I spend more time alone with these questions than I spend actually answering them by actions. I am afraid of action. What if I make the wrong decision? What if it's all over for me? What would others think?

It's not even necessarily a depression, really. It's more of a silent anxiety, similar to obsessive compulsive disorder where I analyze myself to death. I hate it. I really do. Will I ever change? Maybe. Do I want to change? Yes and no.

That threshold between who I am and the millions of people I can decide to be is a place in which I live. Indecision. It kills me so I kill it with distractions. It's so much easier to live in the fantasy world of weight loss than it ever will be to reside in the real world.

I still don't know what to do. I need to get some sleep.

Peace,love, and food,
Rachel May 

Hey, all,

So, I’ve decided to get honest with you guys. So here goes…

WARING: CONTAINS TRIGGERING MATERIALCollapse )

I can’t promise anyone anything at this point. I’m sorry that this post isn’t more uplifting, but when I set out to write this blog, my intention was to give you a true inside look at what it is really like to have anorexia. It’s not always rainbows and sunshine. You won’t always be “cured” of it. But you can fight it. I can promise that. I’ve fought it before and I’ll fight it again. I just have to find the will. Once I figure out how to do that, I will let you guys know.

Until next time…

Peace, love, and food,

Rachel May

Hey, all,

So, I was looking through old LiveJournal comments, when I was reminded of a great question about disordered eating, presented to me by another LJ user. I already answered it as a reply to the comment, but in retrospect, I think this would have been a great topic to cover more publicly on the blog. Well, good news, folks! There's still time! :p Thus, I had added my response and for the purpose of being thorough, added a little bit more detail to it, so it may be of help to you guys.

The question is as follows:

Q:) "What do you think is the difference between unhealthy eating and disordered eating, if there is any?"

My answer:


A:) In my mind, the difference between unhealthy eating and disordered eating pertains mainly towards the mindset of the individual. There are many different ways that someone could be a disordered eater; there are just as many ways in which someone could be an unhealthy eater. It all comes down to what's in the mind.

For example, let's say Person X has only had 300 calories worth of food for the day. This behavior is definitely unhealthy, especially if such habits are consistent. However, just because the eating behavior is unhealthy does not necessarily make it disordered. There are many different possibilities that could explain Person X's small consumption of food. He/she could have been sick, not hungry, busy, etc. That is why it is not wise to assume that the person is engaging in disordered eating. Let us not confuse this with the common excuses that people with eating disorders will make; I say this because "hungry," "tired," and "busy" are all. The point is: what are they really thinking and are they being honest about it? What someone says and what someone really thinks could be totally different things. If there is any deception involved in the consumption of food, that is a clue that something could be wrong. Most people do not hide food, throw food away and say they've eaten it, or engage in rituals where they "pretend to eat." These are all signs of an eating disorder.

However, you never want to be paranoid or presumptuous. In fact, I would venture to say that you really need to be careful who you label as anorexic or bulimic as there could very well be some other explanation to what's going on it (for example, eating less than normal, could very well be a symptom to some kind of physical illness or even an emotional illness like depression.) Nevertheless, is also not wise to assume that just because said person doesn't seem to have every symptom (i.e. is not your TEXTBOOK anorexic/bulimic), it doesn't mean that the person doesn't have an eating disorder. Just as every individual is different, so is every person with an eating disorder. People have different sets of symptoms and just as a side note, many people with disordered eating habits hide their symptoms very well. This, of course, can make it very difficult to be able to tell who has an eating disorder and who doesn't.

In addition,in order to answer these questions, you must remember what eating disorders are and what they are not. I'm not a professional by any stretch of the imagination, but I do know this; eating disorders are not solely rooted in food and weight. They are a deep psychological illness and most people who can't uncover the root of their disordered eating, continue to relapse for their entire lives. So, even if somebody is at a healthy/normal weight, or is even overweight, they too could very well be suffering from an eating disorder. Never forget that for misconceptions about eating disorders have really harmed in a sense tht often, people suspect something far too late, and eventually the worst (be it death or illness) happens. That's why the earlier that ED symptoms are recognized, the more chance there is for recovery.

In conclusion, my best advice would be to look at the whole picture. This involves delving deep into Person X's inner psyche, something that an outsider might not necessarily be able to do, depending on how open the person is about their eating,purging, or exercise habits. Regardless, here are some questions to consider:

Why hasn't he/she eaten much?
Does this person feel fat?
Is this person obsessed with his or her weight?
Is this person engaging in a pattern of these behaviors and/or does this person have a history of doing so?
What are the person's perceptions of food and weight?
Is this person engaging in disordered eating rituals (rituals that intentionally prolong or help him/her avoid the consumption of food)?


If this is something you are looking for an answer to in order to understand yourself or someone else, I would definitely suggest looking up the diagnostic criteria for ALL eating disorders. SomethingFishy.com is a great website for ED research.

Thank you for reading guys! Live healthy and happy and if you have anymore questions, please let me know! ^_^

Peace,Love, and Food,
Rachel May


Hey, all,

It has come to my attention that a lot of the symptoms of anorexia are also symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder. This is because the repetitive actions one takes (such as stepping on the scale a certain number of times a day, certain rules and rituals, the obsessive calorie counting, etc.) serve as distractions from problems.

Now that I have explained what purposes these actions (pitifully) serve, I will describe to you one of the significant steps I have been taking in helping to alleviate these symptoms

One of the things I do to help combat my eating disorder to break it down and look at it logically, sort of like engaging in the order of operations in math or combining like terms. I also make charts, lists, and Venn diagrams in order to help me separate my eating disorders into sections, making them seem less overwhelming and therefore, more manageable. (Interestingly enough, although I think in this way, I am very terrible when it comes to actual math. :p) This method of thinking and reasoning as it applies to eating disorders is what I’ve coined as “logical combat” (which you can learn more about in my previous blog post.)

So, anyway, if I were to take apart my eating disorder (in a very small nutshell), I would list the following things it has provided me with in the past, that is a list of things that caused me to hold on tightly to certain aspects of it. The list of things is as follows:

Security (A false sense)
Avoidance (A terrible way to try to solve problems)
Compulsion (Which wreck havoc on one’s mind)

If you decide to try making this list yourself, I feel that the most important thing for you to remember is that you MUST look beyond food and weight. If you have an eating disorder, there is something else there be it family issues, self-worth issues, some stressful life events, etc. Contrary to popular belief, it is not just the "media's fault", it is not a "phase," and it is not something that can be solved by merely eating. Eating disorders are multi-faceted and have many different reasons behind them and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you will be able to understand them or if you are suffering yourself, the sooner you will be able to begin your journey to recovery. 

After you are done with this list, you have to be real about it. By this, I mean analyze whether these things that anorexia is giving you are really true and if they are, are they truly worth it?

This isn't as easy as I make it sound. The list is a simple way in order to determine some of the inner-workings of your eating disorder, but simplicity and easiness are NOT the same thing. There's certain complexity hidden within the simplicity, the more detail-oriented aspects behind the big-picture topics. However, separating these details into groups (either by using a web, a bulleted list, or something else) might help you focus on one thing at a time. Consider it. Or, if you’re not the chart type of person, try something else! The possibilities are endless. (Speaking of which, stayed tuned for a post about healthy coping mechanisms that you can use to help alleviate some of your eating disorder symptoms. I know you all could use a list of those.)

It is worth nothing that if you have obsessive compulsive disorder symptoms, as many people with eating disorders do, it might be helpful to see what helps people with OCD to manage their symptoms. Now, I’m not saying that just because you have anorexia, you can OCD; that is simply not true. I am merely suggesting that some of the symptoms of OCD and anorexia are similar; therefore, why not expand your research in an interesting way? Just a thought. Plus, even though as I stated before, not everyone with an eating disorder has OCD, it is not uncommon for someone to have both disorders.

Well, that’s it for now. Remember, recovery may not be easy, but it is FAR from impossible!

Take care, everyone. J <3

Peace, Love, and Food,

Rachel May

Hey everyone,

Sorry it has been so long. A lot has happened within the last few months. I have moved twice, found the Lord in mid-march, have been working at my family's business, and attending church and bible study. I will definitely be updating this much more frequently. I think that if I get enough questions, I can start doing "Q & A with Rachel," which hopefully will help delve into the more specific concerns about eating disorders that all of you may have.

(Warning: Some of today's post may contain triggers.)

The major inspiration for this new blog post comes from a question that a friend of mine, who also has an eating disorder, presented me with today:

"How do you pull yourself out of a big hole?"


The Basic Response:

A combination of asking God for his help and using logical combat to fight my thoughts.

The More Detailed Response:

The Lord Has Delivered Me: My Testimony for Christ

I'm at the point in my life where I can honestly say that God has delivered me from anorexia. I can never express enough how much He has changed not only me, but my entire life.

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental disorder. I know this from experience. Without God's hand, there are three points in my life that I would have died: once almost four years ago from losing over 60 pounds in less than 3 months (40 of which was considered underweight), once from almost going into kidney failure from dehydration (almost a year ago), and once from a suicide attempt (this January, which of course had a lot of factors to it, but anorexia definitely played a role). Now thanks to God and his mighty hand in my recovery, I am not only excited about life, but I am full of energy and somehow, even after 11 years of damage to my body, I currently do not have any serious lasting health effects from self-induced starvation or even from the wild weight fluctuations my body had gone through. This is also despite the fact that for a time, I abused laxatives, diet pills, and diuretics while exercising excessively (at my worst, 4 hours of cardio a day.) Any health problems I’ve had from my ED have disappeared, but make no mistake I am not lucky, I am BLESSED.

Even though doing well health-wise is spectacular, doing well psychologically is even better. I never thought I’d be able to say this, but because of God, my weight no longer rules my life. I work out sensibly to be fit (rather than compulsively, for hours on end like I used to), eat healthfully, and practice intuitive eating (which I recommend to anyone because it's just plain good advice: http://www.intuitiveeating.org/). There are no more food rules, calorie counting, diets, or unnecessary food restrictions. I don’t even step on the scale anymore, which is huge for me because I used to check my weight 12 times a day (a repetition of 4 times in the morning, 4 in the afternoon, and 4 in the evening). I have actually gotten rid of scale, collection of food labels, and all of my “anorexic clothes" that I will proudly never fit into again; these are all things that for years I swore I could never do. Because of what God has done for me, I am not only free from this consuming obsession I am free to enjoy life be at peace with my body just as God designed it. God’s priorities aren’t for me to be thin; they are for me to serve him in the best way that I can. God is in control; not me, and not an eating disorder. The avoidance of problems, pursuit of thinness and impossible ambitions are not things of Him; rather, they are things of this world, which hold nothing for us in the end. 

I write all this because I want you guys to know that if you ever encounter someone that doesn’t know Jesus or as fallen away and you are a witness to their struggling, be it a mentally, physically, emotionally, or otherwise, you can have them message me or just send them my story. I am happy to tell it. For, in reality, this is not my story at all. It is God’s story and one of the many that serve as a testament not just to his capabilities, but to his limitless love for us. The myriad of things that God has done for me are nothing short of miracles and I will spend the rest of my life professing them to others, giving him all gratitude, all appreciation, and most of all, all glory. If God can free a mental disorder that I’ve had since I was 10 years old, just imagine what he WILL (not “can”) do for you. So, if you find yourself faithless, look to Him. Delve into his word. All of the encouragement you will ever need has been well-provided for.

---

The second part of what helps me lies below:

Logical Combat for Eating Disorders: Tricking Your Mind:

In this explanation, I will be speaking very bluntly about what what I've termed as "logical combat" is. In a nutshell, it is a way to use your mind against itself for the greater good and channeling it into your actions

Okay, you guys, before you start to say,
"But I can't talk myself out of my eating disorder..." or "Logical thinking won't help a mental disorder..." just humor me for a minute.

No, you cannot "talk yourself out of an eating disorder." My firm belief is that once you've developed one, that's it. You have it. Being recovered doesn't necessarily mean that your disorder is gone completely. It merely means that you're fighting it. So, don't go into this expecting to be cured. My faith is that if you commit to first the belief of the plan, and then carry out the actions of the plan itself, it can work quite well for you. As untrusting and doubtful as some of you may be, do not be so about this. A large chunk of "logical combat" works for me BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN IT. And this isn't some hocus pocus, idealistic CRAP. I have no reason to lie to you, I am not selling any or these ideas, nor am I getting any royalties. I am typing this FREE INFORMATION to HELP you.

Have you committed yourself to the beliefs of logical combat yet? Yes? Good. Onto the life lessons I have learned from experience. I shall start with this:

SIX MINDSETS YOU NEED TO LET GO OF TO MAKE LOGICAL COMBAT WORK

1.  The "proportion distortion" mindset

Examples: 
"Every setback I face is disastrous." or "My friend must hate me because she hasn't called today."

Explanation: A former of teacher of mine would have called this mindset "catastrophizing." If everything is a catastrophe, it is treated like it will be impossible to overcome. One thing I have learned in my life is that not everything has to be as difficult as we think it is. It's really easy to look at a setback and say, "I've blown it" or "I've gone off the deep end," but the reality of it is that not every relapse is quite as bad as it may seem and if you work really hard not to beat yourself up, trust me, you can REVERSE YOUR RELAPSE and get back into RECOVERY. So, try to put everything in perspective and don't exagerrate any problems you may have. Put the appropriate amount of weight on your issues. Smaller issues should get less weight than bigger issues. This is not to say that you should ignore the smaller issues. The point of not exaggerating is not to repress, but to reflect and delve into inner-research. This enables you to capture smaller problems and solve them before they turn into giant problems.

Why This Will Help You: This "proportion distortion" mindset is what I like to call a MENTAL BLOCK and when striving to follow my logical combat plan, mental blocks simply will NOT work. Your mind has to be open to positivity and you HAVE to feel that things WILL get better. Remember a lack of faith in the plan negates the plan. A lack of faith in yourself is even worse.

2. The "might as well" mindset.

Examples: "Well, I didn't eat breakfast, so I might as well not eat lunch" or "Well, I've already taken 6 laxatives, why not the whole bottle?"

Explanation: This mindset is nothing more than an EXCUSE to relapse. I'm sorry, but it is. Not every action you take has to lead to further, more serious actions.

Why This Will Help You: If you remove all excuses from your mind, you are holding yourself accountable, which is a major step to pushing through a relapse. Even if things have triggered you (which we all know happens), do identify, recognize, and analyze you triggers, but DO NOT blame them. Because after all, it is ultimately YOU who has power over your actions. 

3. The "What difference does it make?" mindset (a.k.a "mind-blocking negativity").

Examples: "Nobody cares about me, so what difference does it make if I die?" "I've already lost everything. What difference does it make what else I lose?"

Explanation: Think about everyone around you and how much they love you and you'll know this isn't true. If you think it is, talk to them about it. Tell them that you feel you don't matter and I guarantee that most of them will go out of their way to disprove your feelings. Every choice you make makes a difference and this mindset is nothing but negativity at its finest. The logical combat method has to be followed with both faith AND positivity that what you do and who you are MATTERS. Even if you don't have a good self-esteem right now, PRETEND you do. If you think this won't work, it won't. Just like committing to logical thinking, committing to feeling great about yourself (or at least pretending to FOR NOW; you'll get there) is essential for a complete revamping of your mind and ultimately, your emotions.

Why This Will Help You: Eating disorders are just lies and the more you really cut to the root of these lies, the less scary they'll become. If you don't feel good about yourself or don't want to, you NEED to change that to in order to recover from an eating disorder. It's as simple as that. Whatever it takes for you to get there (besides destructive methods), is essential to your success in recovery.

4. The "denial" mindset.

Examples: "I don't have a problem." or "My eating habits aren't that bad."

Explanation: This is a more obvious one to the outside world and a less obvious one to those who are actually IN DENIAL. If you have a problem, don't make excuses. Don't pretend you don't. Be honest with yourself and with others. Clinging to lies only pulls you further into your relapse, so logically, anything you can do to cling to the truth, instead will be major help.

Why This Will Help You: Admitting you have a problem is a requirement to getting better because in the process, you are identifying it and clearly seeing it for what it is. What if I gave you a sheet of paper and tell you to solve 10 secret math problems that I didn't even give you? You would of course get them all wrong. Thus, it is impossible not to realize you have a problem and to expect to get better at the same time. You either know you have a problem and you won't admit it or you really don't think you have a problem, but are thinking about it because others have addressed it to you. Never be the last to know. Be at the top of your game and have a watchful eye. 

5. The "perfectionism" mindset:

Examples: "I slipped up once, so I always will and will never get over this." or "I'm a failure for my slip-ups."

Explanation: Perfectionism to many of us seems like a good thing because we feel it will lead to achievement in all of our endeavors. However, taking this mindset too far is never a good thing because perfectionism often HINDERS your progress. It can cause black and white thinking, which often makes you believe that either you are a success or a failure. This isn't true because really, how you define "success" and "failure," is ultimately up to you. I personally perfer not to think in those terms because of their innate finality. I perfer to think of everything as a journey and with an eating disorder it is NEVER TOO LATE TO TURN BACK. 

6. The "I don't want to recover" or "it is too late for me" mindset

Examples: "I'm scared of what will happen if I start eating again." or "I just need to get to XYZ weight and then I'll stop."

Explanation: If you don't want to recover, you are not going to. If you need motivation, try talking to others, reading some of the links on my profile (which contain information about EDs), or fi
ercely telling yourself that you are worth recovery. The best solution for me is to look for God in support for this; faith truly helps me to get through anything. Also, you must, must, must not define yourself as an anorexic or bulimia. That is the KEY to failure.

Now that we've gone over some of the mindsets, I need you to work through these as much as you can. The more you can do so, the more success you'll have at the logical combat method.

Are you ready to try this? Good. Here are some steps to take before actually diving in to rewiring your brain:

1. Observe yourself and your behaviors.
2. Be real about them.
3. Record them. Perhaps in a chart or journal.
4. Keep your eyes on recovery the entire time.
5. Evaluate what you've done well, what needs to change, and what needs to stay the same.


---

NOW:

1. Link your behaviors to your thoughts ("What was I thinking when I did this?") and figure out which mindsets you were using in those thoughts. Were you making excuses? Were you being too hard on yourself? Was something blocking your mind for getting to where it needs to be?

2. Let go of the mindset(s). This is easier said than done, but let go. As I said before, you need to want to recover and you need to want to be secure with yourself. Distant wishes from loved ones are not going to help you now. YOU have to help YOURSELF and not only that, but you have to HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF.

--- 

Once you feel like you have a handle on all of that, the logical combat is very simple (note that I said SIMPLE not "EASY")

1. Take each destructive thought you have and replace it with what you know to be true.
2. Commit to the truth. Have faith in the truth, no matter how hard it seems.
3. Let your actions reflect that truth.


Example:

Scenario: You want to have a piece of cake, but your ED won't allow you.

ED Thoughts: "This will hurt you." "This will make you fat." "Do you know how many calories are in this?" "You'll be a failure if you eat this." "One piece of cake will lead to two then three then four..." "You're not allowed to have that." "You don't deserve it."

Logical Replacement Thoughts: "One piece of cake is not going to hurt or make me fat." "One piece of cake does not have to lead to more than that, unless I choose to let that happen." "I've eaten nothing else today. If anything. It would be good for me to have cake or to start out with something less intimidating, like broccoli."
"I'm allowed to have whatever I want to have and I deserve it."

Keep doing this and eventually you will find logical replacement thoughts that will work for you. Write them down. Put notes on your mirror. Keep a note in your wallet or purse about it. Ask a friend to remind you about it. Do whatever you have to do to make your logic louder than your eating disorder. This will take time, but trust me, you will get there. I did. Patience, my friend, is a virtue.

---

Well, that's all I have for now. If you have any questions, I am always taking them and any comments about how to improve my advice are greatly appreciated. Remember, I am not a doctor, so everything I am telling you comes from PURE EXPERIENCE and thus, WORKS FOR ME. If it doesn't work for you, something else will. Recovery is more than possible!

I love you guys so much! :)

Until next time...

Peace, Love, and Food,
Rachel May











People ask me how it all started—this mindless obsession with calorie counting and reducing myself to “the perfect weight.” They look at me and remark, “You don’t look anorexic.” Some are even presumptuous enough to make a blatant assumption such as, “Well, it’s all over now, isn’t it?” No, it isn’t. Because the truth is, it’s never over no matter where your weight happens to sit. Anorexia is something I continue to struggle with, yet thankfully, also continue to beat.


As many of us know all too well, there’s a double standard for those who are anorexic. We’re “crazy” at first, or to a more refined audience maybe even “troubled” or “intriguing.” Eventually, if we are lucky, we’ll be granted resources to enter into treatment. Then of course, we’re all supposed to get well, thrive in recovery, and become spokespeople in order to give others with eating disorders more inspiration to recover. The fine print: we must also be thin, preferably emaciated. Otherwise we are “lying”, “faking” or worse; our condition “isn’t really that serious”. Therefore, the only way to ensure our diagnosis to the outside world is to be thin.


So, assuming we’re on the road to recovery, we pick our poison (or in some cases it is chosen for us)—feeding tube, meal plan, or some other method of gaining proper nutrition. Then, gradually, our weight is restored. Once this happens, according to both loved ones and professionals, we are cured from our illness. This is where assumption, which stems from the ignorance of many, becomes toxic to the person with anorexia.


And eventually, we as anorexics realize something; no longer can we call ourselves anorexic. At least not without being triggered back into our own behaviors. When people hear about our eating disorder, we will receive many awkward looks from others. The scanning of our bodies up and down. People around you become journalists, asking us for photographs of us at our sickest, the constant questions such as, “How did you do it?” and “What was your lowest weight?” If that doesn’t make someone feel like a spectacle or a circus act, I don’t know what will.


Although our actions are not a publicity stunt or cry for attention, we are certainly treated as if they are. And after awhile, it becomes easier to believe the lie. A thought will enter our minds such as, “I’m at a healthy weight now. Maybe I don’t have an eating disorder.” Or “Perhaps I am just being dramatic.” And then, what do we do? We stop using the phrase "in recovery." We begin to tell people we're "recovered." Or stop speaking about it at all. The main problem is we stop paying attention to our recovery. And then something outside of ourselves triggers us and we fall again. Sometimes we're fortunate enough to catch ourselves. Other times, we throw ourselves so far into the abyss of denial that we could never be seen again. Sometimes we fall hard just so people will take us seriously. Just so people will not laugh at us or brush our problems to the side. We want to be heard. We’re afraid to speak. So, we starve ourselves. Some of us get back to an abnormally low weight again. And then, unfortunately when we’re finally at the brink of death, that’s when people decide to worry. Unfortunately, many of us die before we even get to that point.


This is the problem with our society's perception of eating disorders. The misconceptions that many people believe about eating disorders only destroy us all. That is why I have decided to link you all to a great video I find online, discussing these same misconceptions. Be educated, be informed, and most of all—make a difference!

Here is the link: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0VFdwrx4Qw

Peace, Love, and Food,
Rachel May

PS. That is not my YouTube channel. It is the YouTube channel of someone who has deeply inspired me to continue fighting my eating disorder. I highly recommend her videos to anyone. 

Thank you + New Email

Dear friends,

I am so happy for the awesome responses you guys have been giving me. Recently, I have gotten a new email so that others who may have more personal questions or comments can speak to me more directly and less publicly. Here it is: anaisnotlife at yahoo dot com (I spelled it out to help avoid spam and whatnot.) I really hope this new outlet provides you with another option for getting help from me. I will try to respond to email as soon as possible, but please don't be offended if it takes me a long time. I start school on the 9th, work on the 17th, and am involved in several extracurricular activities and projects. However, your emails, as well as your messages and comments on the blog, are very much important to me. I really hope you know that.

Take care, be well, and I hope to have up another topic related recovery post up soon (by the way, I am still taking topic suggestions and questions if anybody has any).

Peace, love, and food,
Rachel May