Because I am uncomfortable with giving you my full identity, you may refer to me as Rachel May. To make a long story short, I have had an eating disorder for years, primarily anorexia, but with symptoms of bulimia as well. My weight obsession started around 4th or 5th grade and has continued throughout my adult life. Thus, I have created this blog in attempt to help dissolve the infamous secrecy that anorexia provides and to provide an outlet for my emotions and thoughts. Hopefully, along the way, someone else may come across this blog and understand and be inspired as well.
Because anorexia does not define me, I shall reserve this paragraph for other non-ed related items. Currently a second year student in college, I am 21 years old and majoring in Creative Writing, a craft which I take very seriously. I have been writing since elementary school and hope to be published one day. I plan also to obtain a doctorate degree and teach English. I also have a passion for research, music, and singing. I love venturing out and doing new things in art related fields and I love learning about what this life has to offer.
Should you decide to read this blog, I hope that you will find in it hope, truth, and optimism. I wish you the best.
Peace, love, and food.
Love, Rachel May
Guidelines and side notes for the readers of this blog are as follows:
1. This is NOT a Pro-Ana blog. This is an Eating Disorder RECOVERY blog. Although, I will empathize and show support to any who may seek it, I will NOT in any way trivialize the severity of an eating disorder by providing tips and tricks regarding weight loss, deception, or denial. I will not tell you how to “become” anorexic, how to maintain your disordered symptoms, how to conceal your disorder from others, etc. Eventually, to be honest, the disease does that for you. Anorexia is an illness; that is a gripping reality.
2. Do NOT tell me I have self-control because I can starve myself. Do NOT congratulate me on being able to lose mass amounts of weight in a short period of time. Do NOT admire me for being able to refuse a cookie or saying no immediately to a second helping. Do NOT associate any of my disordered thinking or actions with self-control. These events, past and present, do NOT represent self-control. Rather, quite the contrary, they represent the complete LACK of self control.
Anorexia a mental illness, not a gift.
3. If you do not already have the voice of anorexia, please do NOT seek it out for yourself. Right now, you may think that the idea of being fat is much worse than the side effects of anorexia. Trust me it isn’t. Starving yourself is NOT worth it. Besides the numerous health effects such as a slower metabolism, thyroid problems, heart problems, brittle hair and nails, pallid skin, weak teeth, fatigue, etc. (I will elaborate on these and other physical side effects for another blog post.), anorexia from a personal standpoint causes loneliness, depression, decreased sex drive, obsessive thoughts, insomnia, reoccurring nightmares, and many more. The life of an anorexic is a very lonely one filled with pain, anger, sadness, suspicion, paranoia, exclusion and a number of other states of mind and emotions (this I will also elaborate on as this blog progresses).